The OhSoSpurs Story
For those who do not know me, my name is Jim and I host the OhSoSpurs podcast
I formed this group following a tough period in my life. I was diagnosed with cancer on the eve of my wedding and my life turned upside down.
I found out that I was going to need chemotherapy and other treatments that not only put my life at risk but also meant the prospect of children which had always been a dream of mine was something that may no longer be possible.
Once I had the diagnosis, I said to my fiance that if children and a secure future is what she aspired to have in life, then this would be the right moment for us to take separate paths and I would never see it as a reflection on her as a person, it was completely understandable for her to build a new life with someone who she could build a family with and know for certain would be around.
She looked me in the eyes in the hospital as we were waiting to see the Oncologist and told me that regardless of what happens, she wanted to be with me regardless of a family of our own or not. She attended every single chemo session with me and long night. We moved in with my parents as I no longer had an immune system and could not go outside to get my own things safely. Having that support from her is what got me through, I had security that someone was there for me through everything.
About mid way through my treatment though I experienced something new I never expected. As I was having a shower and watching clumps of hair clog the drain as the chemo was taking effect, I burst into tears. I had never felt this before. A crushing sense of not being worth anything, a realisation my body was dying and a feeling I was dragging someone else into this situation.
It is hard to explain until you truly go through a period of depression but its not as simple as hitting the gym and reading self help books as a solution. It was like my brain had realised that the body keeping me alive no longer had a purpose and it was time to remove myself from this world. I would go days where the idea of taking my own life did not scare me at all, it felt like a natural way to move on from this situation and allow others to move on too. I could not get out of it.
However I did find things that helped. One was actually @LoveTheShirt. The positivity from guys on there when things were not so good with Spurs gave me that little boost each day and some distraction. Football became a solace escape. I even went to a meetup when I probably shouldn’t have that the guys had arranged, they bought me drinks and I had a great night hanging out with the voices I enjoyed listening too. They may not remember it as it was years ago but thank you guys.
About mid way through my treatment though I experienced something new I never expected. As I was having a shower and watching clumps of hair clog the drain as the chemo was taking effect, I burst into tears. I had never felt this before. A crushing sense of not being worth anything, a realisation my body was dying and a feeling I was dragging someone else into this situation.
It is hard to explain until you truly go through a period of depression but its not as simple as hitting the gym and reading self help books as a solution. It was like my brain had realised that the body keeping me alive no longer had a purpose and it was time to remove myself from this world. I would go days where the idea of taking my own life did not scare me at all, it felt like a natural way to move on from this situation and allow others to move on too. I could not get out of it.
However I did find things that helped. One was actually @LoveTheShirt. The positivity from guys on there when things were not so good with Spurs gave me that little boost each day and some distraction. Football became a solace escape. I even went to a meetup when I probably shouldn’t have that the guys had arranged, they bought me drinks and I had a great night hanging out with the voices I enjoyed listening too. They may not remember it as it was years ago but thank you guys.
Anyway, fortunately, for me the treatment began to work and over time I gradually got better, finishing chemo, rescheduling my wedding, getting my hair back and even thanks to the wonders of modern medicine managing to conceive a child.
As I got better though and went back to normal life, back to following Spurs, I found myself being continually dragged down by the negativity around the football club I love that I had previously sought as a place of support. New groups had emerged heavily focused around everything negative or ‘holding the club back’. I started to find the idea of talking about Spurs a drain. My escapism had gone.
Now the dust has settled and we have a rhythm with the show we thought about whether we could do something bigger to help other people who may be feeling lost. We met @CherriesTalking who had started a support group for Bournemouth fans who may be struggling with mental health. A place where fans could go if they felt lost or just needed someone to talk to with their football club at the heart of it. As me and the guys were talking it quickly became apparent that we had all been impacted by mental health in our families or personally.
A final story I wanted to share with you is about my brother in law Toby. A kind, gentle and non confrontational individual who loved Chelsea football club. Toby was preparing for his first day of work and his family had arranged to take him for a pint to celebrate. He had folded his clothes and sent a happy birthday message to a friend and gone for a short walk before heading to the pub. However, for a reason we shall never know, he decided in that moment he would take his own life. Instead of celebrating something with Toby, his family and friends found themselves grieving the life of a wonderful person with no answers as to why.
These experiences have given us questions similar to the experience that drove the creation of @CherriesTalking. What if Toby had someone to talk to, a group of people associated to something like football who he may have felt he could share his pain with. Would he still be with us today? In the moment I also considered my life, if I had not had my support network, would I have decided than Plan A was the only real option.
We have since raised £2000 through our supporters kind donations and used that money to get Mental Health First Aid Certified. If you feel you could benefit from a chat, please send us a message. We are here with you.
